Barack Obama Wants to Have Sex with Your Kindergartner: A Few Ideas for McCain Attack Ads

John McCain is a maverick. How do I know this? I’ve heard it repeated in the news several times which makes it essentially true. In fact, he is so much of a maverick that he is willing to completely reject his former ideals of political integrity in the hope of winning the presidency, driving the straight talk express straight off the tracks and into an orphanage, killing several poor, sick children. This explains some of the recent false claims that McCain’s campaign has been making; it turns out that Barack Obama doesn’t want to teach kindergartners about sex, nor does his tax plan involve raising taxes on the middle class. While these claims are completely unfounded, they make for good commercials. I’d like, now, to submit to John McCain a few ideas for slightly untrue political ads:

  • Barack Obama sacrifices babies to the ancient near eastern god Ba’al.
  • Barack Obama is in favor of sex with kindergartners.
  • Barack Obama was one of the 9/11 hijackers.
  • Barack Obama will raise your taxes to infinity dollars a year.
  • Barack Obama called your mother a “pig in lipstick”.
  • Barack Obama’s middle name is Hussein because of his admiration for Sadaam Hussein.
  • Barack Obama thinks the Beatles sucked.
  • Barack Obama advised Japan to bomb Pearl Harbor (last month).
  • Barack Obama is secretly Jewish and, by extention, killed Jesus.
  • Barack Obama is a bad tipper.
  • Barack Obama hates baseball and apple pie.
  • Barack Obama is actually a puppet created by Jim Henson’s Creature Shop and is voiced by Frank Oz.
  • Barack Obama lacks integrity.
  • Barack Obama supports teaching geocentrism in school.
  • Barack Obama may, if elected, devour your soul.
  • Barack Obama wants to make Esperanto the official language of the US.
  • Barack Obama screams like a girl whenever he sees a spider.
  • Barack Obama is an avid admirer of Adolf Hitler and owns the world’s largest collection of nazi parephrenalia.
  • Barack Obama plans on repealing the 13th amendment in order to bring back slavery.
  • Barack Obama wears frilly, pink underwear.
  • Barack Obama was predicted to be the antichrist in the Book of Revelation.
  • Barack Obama is actually two midgets in a suit and is thus ineligable for the presidency.
  • Barack Obama, in a scientific experiment crossing basic ethical boundaries, created an inhuman monster that is currently on the loose in Des Moines, Iowa.
  • Barack Obama once played hookey in the sixth grade.
  • Barack Obama dislikes kittens.
  • Barack Obama is a grand wizard in the KKK.
  • Barack Obama refuses to wear an American flag lapel pin because his favorite country is Bolivia.
  • Barack Obama is 3500 year old Egyptian mummy that was brought back to life by an ancient curse, meaning he is not a natural born citizen.
  • Barack Obama knocks over your trash cans at night.

Alright, McCain, the ball’s in your court.


~ by norealname on September 15, 2008.

4 Responses to “Barack Obama Wants to Have Sex with Your Kindergartner: A Few Ideas for McCain Attack Ads”

  1. Oh, I’m Sure KKKarl Rove already thought of all those lines!

    Meanwhile . . .
    The stock market crashes: Taxpayers get the bill, yet you’ll soon realize the big-wig CEOs won’t lose a dime from their compensation, or from their golden parachute contracts. The wheeler-dealer stock brokers won’t lose a dollar from their fat bonuses, but the taxpayers will foot the bill.

    And the GOP promises us more of the same.
    And STILL, non-thinking voters will support the business as usual GOP ticket.
    Go figure!

  2. The unexamined life is not worth living.SocratesSocrates

  3. Barack may want to make Esperanto official but this will not work.

    Please check

  4. I thought Obama wanted Spanish rather than Esperanto

    However why not

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