God Hates Pants

As we all know, the perfect argument against homosexuality is found at the beginning of the Book of Genesis. When Adam was feeling lonely in the Garden, God created Eve as a wife for him. The fact that God made the first couple Adam and Eve rather than Adam and Steve proves that homosexuality is both evil and morally inexcusable. It’s just simple logic.

But what other moral tenets can be divined from the story of Eden? Let’s look at the consequences of Adam and Eve eating the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil:

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you?”

He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?” [Genesis 3:6-11, NIV]

When the Lord discovers what Adam and Eve have done, He is quite upset. It is obvious that the reason He told them not to eat the fruit of the tree is because they’d realize they were naked and put on clothes. It’s all so simple. Pants are the cause of humanity’s fall from grace.

Why is God so against clothes? God works in mysterious ways. We can not fully comprehend His plans. All we can do is blindly accept what He tells us. That is why we must forsake clothing; it is an abomination before the Lord.

Now it is time for me to go and picket Old Navy.

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~ by norealname on May 8, 2008.

One Response to “God Hates Pants”

  1. This is the very reasoning forwarded byt the Adamites, a Christian sect a few hundred years old, for rejectivng all forms of clothing (except for protection from the elements).

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