An Inconvenient Truth

One day, an evil scientist (as most of them are) was sitting around without a job. He did this because he was lazy and worthless to society and he liked to make honest, hard-working folks pay for welfare. But this scientist thought that welfare checks weren’t enough; he wanted to become rich and famous. As a scientist, he knew that Darwinism was just one big scam invented by scientists and the devil to get huge research grants and deceive Christians into thinking that they were descended from monkeys (an absurd notion, as we were created on an entirely different day than they were!). This scientist decided to create an even bigger scam to make a ton of cash and to become a household name. “But what?” the greedy, unscrupulous, petty little man thought.

But he could not think of anything. He gave up and walked outside. Snow was falling. Just then, an evil grin formed upon his evil face. “I will make everybody think that, despite the fact that it snows, the earth is heating up!” he exclaimed. It was so perverse, so absurd that he was filled with evil, repulsive joy. So he jumped into his welfare-funded convertible and drove down to the local liberal university as fast as he could.

“I have found a brand new way to lie to the kind, decent American public and get rich off of it!” the scientist excitedly exclaimed to his snooty, socialist professor friend. “Ah, very good,” replied the professor, “our rather flawed Darwinism has been losing ground to the Theory of Intelligent Design. We need a new way to cheat taxpayers out of hard-earned money and fool children. So, what is it?”

And the scientist told the pinko professor all about his devious designs. “Brilliant!” shouted the professor. “Now big government will be able to tax and spend on this new ‘global warming’ nonsense and it will make sure our troops are underfunded. I dislike our brave men and women serving overseas. This is the greatest idea since socialized medicine!”

And so “global warming” became the next big thing. The professor became the owner of a company that “fought” the “rise in temperature” and used his profits to buy a mansion and fund the ACLU. The government spent all its time making sure tiny carbon dioxide molecules didn’t leak into the atmosphere while ignoring the bigger problem of illegal immigrants and terrorists leaking across the border to kill us and take our jobs. And the evil scientist got rich off of book deals and prize money.

And do you know who that scientist was? That’s right, it was Al Gore.

~ by norealname on April 17, 2008.

11 Responses to “An Inconvenient Truth”

  1. More like an inconvenient falsehood!

  2. I knew a scientist, and I tell you, Al Gore is no scientist!

    And the ‘ACC’ – aka Global Warming, aka Global Income Re-distribution Scheme, aka fundraising for world socialists, aka Gore re-election fund – is not based on any science at all.

    Rather, it is based on the similar principles of ‘accurate scientific reporting’ by the MSM (main stream media) that so responsibly brought us the story about a 13-year-old kid correcting a calculation error by NASA (complete with confirmations from highly positioned, secret sources within NASA) – but failed to even mention it when the story proved to be completely, 100% FALSE! You can’t blame THAT on the scientists!

  3. That’s true, there is a lot of money to be made in Global Warming–I hear Hitler and Stalin teamed up to use it as a vehicle for expanding the Soviet Union.

    Realistically, though, just because NASA made a high-profile error (and it wasn’t their first, either–just look at what happened to the Mars Polar Lander!) certainly doesn’t discredit all scientists. If you want to take it a step further, I’d suggest reading this blog post, which provides an interesting look at the recent “update” of NASA’s climate data. (Which is what I assume you’re referring to.)

    At this point, it has been proven that the Earth is getting warmer–the debate primarily centers on whether the change is being brought upon by
    humans, or natural temperature cycles. Saying that global warming doesn’t exist a) is naive and b) doesn’t make it go away.

  4. Thanks! I am familiar with this – but that is not the one I was referring to.

    Earlier this week (and it was BIG on the news around here – print, radio and TV), a 13-year old boy in Germany announced that the NASA calculations for the likelihood of a particular asteroid hitting the Earth was only about 1:450, instead of 1:450 times MANY powers of 10. The media grabbed it, and added that a ‘highly placed’ person at NASA admitted to a ‘higly placed’ person at the European Space Agency that the kid was right. HUGE fanfare about it.

    Of course, the kid (smart as I’m sure he is) was wrong, has been shown wrong, and the NASA data has been demonstrated to be correct. And nobody from NASA told anybody from ESA anything….just lies to make the journalists a nice ‘confirmation’ where none existed.

    However, when this second part of the story came out, it was not even announced by MOST of the MSM outlets that led the news with it a day or two earlier. Even many techies were not aware that the error in the kid’s math was found….

    Similarly, the MSM ‘bought into’ little bits of science twisted by policymakers into the AGW/ACC/GW chiamera, without bothering to understand what it was they were touting. And now they can’t retract it without loosing any vestige of the credibility that might still be glistening in their slimy trails…

    For more, check out ‘The Reference Frame’ – a blog by one of the world’s leading physicists. Or, check out my blog (subject of my rant today) – Xanthippa’s Chamberpot at WordPress…

  5. It doesn’t hurt to preserve energy though

  6. Are you sure you made that????

  7. It’s your opinion. But isn’t there any sense out of the climate-change issue?

  8. Elvis: no there isn’t. The average temperature of the globe has not changed in the last 15 years according to a recently published report. Also–notice that the only time any reports come out about the ice caps melting is during the time of year that they are ALWAYS melting. They refreeze during the winter. Duh!

  9. Very true, mklasing. You have seen the light. It is a vast, left-wing conspiracy to fund evil, dogmatic scientists.

  10. […] inconvenient parody I found such a fantastically wonderful parody of the way denialists think science works . . […]

  11. I hope this is a joke.

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