In public schools across the country, biology classes are leading innocent students astray from the Word of the Lord. Absurd claims are made that confuse children about God’s Word, causing them to sin through atheism, drugs and fornication. It’s possible that the teachers aren’t to blame, having themselves been ensnared by a fiendish idea masquerading as science. We all know the name of the 19th century scientist behind all this: Gregor Mendel. His atheistic theory of Genetics is poisoning the youth of today against God’s Truth.

Mendelists claim that everyone’s “genetic traits” are “inherited” from their parents. Oh yeah? Then how do they explain that sometimes children have different eye color than their parents? They cannot. Only God can be the source of this. You see, the Geneticists try to teach this theory in science class, despite having no irrefutable evidence. You know what that sounds like? Religion! They want our children to join their atheist religion. But Geneticism is a false religion. And I have the proof:

You see, back in the Bible days, Abraham’s grandson Jacob was trying to cheat his father-in-law out of sheep since his father-in-law made him work for seven years in the field to marry his daughter Rachel, but on the wedding night his father-in-law sent in Rachel’s sister Leah, who was wearing a veil at the time, so Jacob actually got married to Leah and had to work in the field for seven more years to marry Rachel for real. Jacob made a deal with his father-in-law to work as his shepherd and, as payment, requested all the speckled sheep that were born. Since speckled sheep are rare, Jacob’s father-in-law agreed. So, whenever the sheep were mating, Jacob would put a speckled stick in front of the female sheep so the offspring would turn out speckled. In this manner, Jacob cheated his father-in-law out of sheep just as he cheated Jacob out of work by tricking him into actually marrying the sister of the girl he intended to marry.

As you can plainly see, this proves that what a female looks at during conception is what leads to physical traits in offspring. It has been empirically proven in the Bible. I urge any of you who are members of school boards to bring this issue forth. We must not lose our children to the evils of Mendelism.

As it seems that not one person has submitted a sound argument on why Evolutionism is absolute truth for my contest, I think it would be appropriate to point out yet another reason why Darwin’s theory is wrong. Of course, this is not to dissuade all you dogmatic atheistic Evolutionists from submitting your amusing “proofs.”  Rather, it is to bring people to the light of undeniable truth.

Consider this: not one of the many geniuses throughout history (such as Plato, Aristotle, Thomas Aquinas, Leonardo DaVinci, etc.) developed the theory of Evolution until Darwin came along[1]. Why is it that none of these great minds came up with the same theory independently? Obviously, it is because they did not believe it. Issac Newton, who created the theory of gravity and invented calculus, was a Christian and did not believe in Evolution. It’s rather odd that Charles Darwin, a man with no other theories to his name, should come up with Darwinism instead of one of history’s great geniuses. It gets even more suspicious when you learn that this Darwin fellow considered himself to be an agnostic late in life. Perhaps Mr. Darwin created Darwinism to promote his Atheistic lifestyle.

But, before the publication of On the Origin of Species, there was another book that had been circulating for thousands of years that also claimed to know of the origin of species. This book was embraced by many of the great geniuses of Western society. You may have heard of it; it’s called The Bible. And unlike Darwin, who only has Darwinism to his name, the author of this book created the greatest thing of all; everything. Mull over that, Evolutionists, and then see if you can still make a valid argument for Darwin’s “great” theory.

Back in his pre-federal prison days, the venerable creation scientist Dr. Kent Hovind made a wager that if any Darwinists could offer empirical scientific proof of Evolution, he would pay them $250,000. The fact that not a single Evolutionist has come forward and claimed the good doctor’s prize proves that the “theory” of Evolution is simply an atheistic religion masked as science. I mean, the terms of his wager are simple: prove beyond doubt that these five major tenets of Evolution happened without God:

1. Time, space, and matter came into existence by themselves.

2. Planets and stars formed from space dust.

3. Matter created life by itself.

4. Early life-forms learned to reproduce themselves.

5. Major changes occurred between these diverse life forms (i.e., fish changed to amphibians, amphibians changed to reptiles, and reptiles changed to birds or mammals).

A rather simple task if Darwinism were true and not simply an atheistic religion. Of course, some Godless “scientists” have claimed that the contest is nonsense, since only number five has anything to do with Evolution, the theory of Evolution has nothing to do with God, declaring something to be absolute truth is not scientific and the five criteria are unprovable. This is an obvious scientific smokescreen. Whenever someone challenges the rigid belief systems of Science, scientists always come out with various arguments on why they are wrong. It’s the oldest trick in the book.

Well, it’s time to disprove Darwin once and for all. I am offering $25,000,000,000,000,000 to any Darwinist can prove to me that Evolution (which is simply the Godless occurrence of the five points listed above) is undeniable truth. The evidence must be completely watertight and completely objective (i.e., no subjective sense organs can be used at any point in your scientific inquiry). Your proof must be submitted to me in a comment on this posting by July 1st, 2008 Anno Domini. If no Darwinists can provide rock solid evidence of Evolution by that date, the money will not be rewarded, Darwinism will be officially discredited and the King James Version of the Bible will universally be accepted as the inerrant word of God and, therefore, absolute truth.

Well, you Godless Darwinists, good luck in proving your dogmatic atheistic religion. You’re going to need some divine intervention to pull this off!

On the boarder between France and Switzerland lies CERN, the European Organization for Nuclear Research (originally Conseil Européen pour la Recherche Nucléaire, hence CERN). Buried beneath the earth in a giant underground tunnel is the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), a massive particle accelerator which will create conditions similar to those found in the universe shortly after the big bang. Thousands of physicists are cooperating on this project in the hopes of finding the elusive Higgs boson, a theoretical subatomic particle that could help to create a unified theory of physics. The facility should be fully operational by August 2008.

There has, however, been some worry that the use of the LHC could have unforeseen consequences. One fear is that the accelerator will produce strangelets, a form of matter consisting of equal parts up, down and strange quarks, which are more stable than normal nuclei and could potentially transform all matter on earth into strange matter in a sort of chain reaction. Another worry is that micro black holes will be created. While this is quite possible, those working on the project point out that these tiny black holes would quickly dissipate due to Hawking radiation. Some are skeptical, however, as Hawking radiation has never been observed. Fears of the earth’s destruction have even spilled over into US federal court, where a couple of American citizens are filing suit in a desperate attempt to prevent the project from getting underway.

But these people are looking in the wrong direction. Sure, the use of the LHC may have dire consequences, but not because of strange matter and mini black holes. For the true danger of this particle accelerator, let us look back to our past human errors:

And the whole earth was of one language, and of one speech. And it came to pass, as they journeyed from the east, that they found a plain in the land of Shinar; and they dwelt there. And they said one to another, Go to, let us make brick, and burn them thoroughly. And they had brick for stone, and slime had they for morter. And they said, Go to, let us build us a city and a tower, whose top may reach unto heaven; and let us make us a name, lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth. And the LORD came down to see the city and the tower, which the children of men builded. And the LORD said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do. Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another’s speech. So the LORD scattered them abroad from thence upon the face of all the earth: and they left off to build the city. Therefore is the name of it called Babel; because the LORD did there confound the language of all the earth: and from thence did the LORD scatter them abroad upon the face of all the earth. [Genesis 11:1-9, KJV]

Here, God confuses everyone’s languages because these people are able to do whatever they put their minds to. The Lord doesn’t take kindly to technological breakthoughs. He does not appreciate unchecked human progress and will do what He must to stop it.

So now we stand on the verge of understanding the intricacies of the universe. Scientists from all over the world are coming together to recreate the conditions found shortly after the big bang. Perhaps we should all ask ourselves “would the Lord approve of us learning some of His biggest secrets?”

The answer is an unequivocal no. God does not want us humans to know too much. Why do you think He told Adam and Eve not to eat the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil? And all Adam and Eve learned from that experience is that it’s embarrassing to be naked. Just think about how mad He’ll be if we develop an accurate Grand Unified Theory.

The consequences of a second language mix-up will be dire. First of all, the dedicated readers of my blog would not be able to understand anything I write. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard that would hit them. Secondly, it may cause technological problems; if God changes the binary numeral system used by computers to a ternary or quaternary system, we may be facing a dot com bust worse than the late ’90s. Also, I really don’t feel like taking the time to learn to read and write all over again.

There are ways to take advantage of this inevitable crisis, however. I, personally, am investing in Fairfield Language Technologies, the people who created Rosetta Stone language learning software. That company is going to be huge after we face God’s wrath for our hubris. Why not make the best of a bad situation?

And that is why I support CERN’s Large Hadron Collider.

Q: What do you call a joke about a benzene ring with non-hydrogen substituents on the first and third carbons?

A: Meta humor.

As many of my readers should know, it’s quite hard to argue with all those irrational Darwinists out there. They just talk and talk about fossil records and other nonsense while completely ignoring any rational opposition. However, I have just created a logical argument to finally put the nail into the Evolutionist coffin. Behold:

Evolution implies that my uncle is a monkey.

My uncle is not a monkey.

Therefore, Darwinism is false.

With an argument that valid, the Theory of Intelligent Design should be replacing Evolutionist studies all over the country by the time the fall semester comes around!

Aluminium

Is what IUPAC calls it;

Not aluminum.

One day, an evil scientist (as most of them are) was sitting around without a job. He did this because he was lazy and worthless to society and he liked to make honest, hard-working folks pay for welfare. But this scientist thought that welfare checks weren’t enough; he wanted to become rich and famous. As a scientist, he knew that Darwinism was just one big scam invented by scientists and the devil to get huge research grants and deceive Christians into thinking that they were descended from monkeys (an absurd notion, as we were created on an entirely different day than they were!). This scientist decided to create an even bigger scam to make a ton of cash and to become a household name. “But what?” the greedy, unscrupulous, petty little man thought.

But he could not think of anything. He gave up and walked outside. Snow was falling. Just then, an evil grin formed upon his evil face. “I will make everybody think that, despite the fact that it snows, the earth is heating up!” he exclaimed. It was so perverse, so absurd that he was filled with evil, repulsive joy. So he jumped into his welfare-funded convertible and drove down to the local liberal university as fast as he could.

“I have found a brand new way to lie to the kind, decent American public and get rich off of it!” the scientist excitedly exclaimed to his snooty, socialist professor friend. “Ah, very good,” replied the professor, “our rather flawed Darwinism has been losing ground to the Theory of Intelligent Design. We need a new way to cheat taxpayers out of hard-earned money and fool children. So, what is it?”

And the scientist told the pinko professor all about his devious designs. “Brilliant!” shouted the professor. “Now big government will be able to tax and spend on this new ‘global warming’ nonsense and it will make sure our troops are underfunded. I dislike our brave men and women serving overseas. This is the greatest idea since socialized medicine!”

And so “global warming” became the next big thing. The professor became the owner of a company that “fought” the “rise in temperature” and used his profits to buy a mansion and fund the ACLU. The government spent all its time making sure tiny carbon dioxide molecules didn’t leak into the atmosphere while ignoring the bigger problem of illegal immigrants and terrorists leaking across the border to kill us and take our jobs. And the evil scientist got rich off of book deals and prize money.

And do you know who that scientist was? That’s right, it was Al Gore.